Third Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Italian mothers were attending a football game. Each had a son playing on the same team. At the start of the game, the first boy saw his opportunity, grabbed the ball and running quickly, out-foxed the opposing team, making the first touchdown. His mother, obviously proud of her son, sprang from the bleachers, shouting in her broken Italian accent, "Thatsa *my* boy! I raised him onna da Pet milk. Ain`t he-a Peach?" Soon, the second boy received the ball and in a spectacular run down the field, made another goal for the team. Not wanting to be outdone by the first boy`s mother, the second boy`s mother jumped from her seat, exclaiming, "Thatsa *my* boy!! I raised him onna da breast milk. Ain`t he-a wonderful?" The third boy, hadn`t done so well, but finely someone threw him the ball. He fumbled it, then recovered... running in the wrong direction, fell with the ball, ran some more, stumbled again, dropped it once more, recovered it and finally crossed the goal more...

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't' giving' him any of mine."

Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight' him till I run him off or kill' him, but I'M KEEPING' ALL MY COWS."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of." I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."

They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen wheeler pulls up in the middle of more...

hree elderly men visited the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first one, "What's three times three?"
"285!" the man replied.
Worried, the doctor turned to the second man. "How about you? What's three times three?"
"Uh, Monday!" the second man shouted.
Even more concerned, the doctor motioned to the third man. "Well, what do you say? What's three times three?"
"Nine!" the third man replied.
"Excellent!" the doctor exclaimed. "How did you get that?"
"Oh, it's pretty simple," the man explained. "You just subtract the 285 from Monday!"

There are three guys talking in a pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives; the third remains quiet.
After a while, one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed! "What happened then?" they asked.
"She said, 'Get outo from under the bed and fight like a man!'"

Once Sontu Thought Of Going America To Learn Knowledge. After He Reached There He Called A Taxi Driver. When The Taxi Driver Asked Him Where To Go He Told,"Take Me To The Place Where There Is Knoledge. The Taxi Driver Told Him, "Sir Knowledge Is Not A Thing To Be Found. It Is Common Sense. Like If I Ask You That In My Family There Are Three Members. One Is My Wife, Anothere My Son And Who Is The Third One?" Sontu Started Thinking But Could Not Answer. Then The Taxi Driver Told Him That The Third One Was He Himself". Sontu Was Happy That He Had Learned Knowledge. He Returned Back. Then He Asked A Man The Same Question That The Taxi Driver Asked Him. The Man Told That It Was Him Then Sontu Told No. He Told That The Third One Was The Taxi Driver He Met In America.

One day 3 men went to a shrine to ask the Father for forgivness. The first man went to the Father and said: " Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The first man:" I have lied!" Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved." And so the man drank the water and was "saved". Then the second man went up to the Father and said:" Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The second man: " I have stolen from the jeweler's!" Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved." And so the man drank the holy water and was "saved". The third man went up to the Father and said: " Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The third man: " I peed in the Holy water!"

There are three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and
uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"