Third Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day John decides to invite Mark on a trip on his private jet. Whilst on this luxury aeroplane Mark asks where the toilet is. John shows him and says to him "inside there are 3 buttons, whatever you do don't press the third one." Mark proceeds to the toilet and does his business. Whilst sitting on the toilet he presses the first button. Suddenly his privates are cleaned thoroughly. He enjoys this and presses the second button. Dryers appear and dry his privates. He is intrigued to find out what button 3 does, so he pushes it. The next thing Mark sees is John staring at him....."what happened?" Mark asks shakily. "Well you pressed the third button and now you are in hospital." "Why do my privates hurt so bad?" Mark asked anxiously.. John replies "Well you activated the automatic tampon remover."

A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said,' I will grant you three wishes.' The man's first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the world. **POOF** The genie gave him all the gold nuggets in the world, all the gold bars, all the gold pebbles, etc. The man could not think of anything for his third wish, so he went out for a ride in his Ferrari. He turned on the radio, and after a few minutes, his favorite song came on. He decided to sing along:' Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner...'

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. Thedoctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?""274," was his reply.The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What isthree times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man.The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What'sthree times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How didyou get that?""Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," is his reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

Three elderly women, recently transplanted from the Northeast to a Florida retirement community, were getting acquainted at poolside. Inevitably, theirconversation turned to children. "My son is the most successful doctor on Park Avenue," announced one.
Not to be outdone, the second remarked, "My son is the most successful lawyer on Wall Street."
The third remained conspicuously silent. Sensing easier game, the first matron inquired, "And you, dear, do you have a son?"
"And is he a professional?" demanded the second.
"Well, not exactly," answered the third. "Actually, he's a plumber. And notonly that, he's gay."
Beaming, one of the poor woman's interrogators offered consolation: "Ah, he's not doing so well."
This time it was the third woman who smiled. "He's not doing too badly," she explained.
"He goes out with the most successful doctor on Park Avenue and the most more...

Once there were three ants. They had no safe place in the house to live except for the bathroom. So first ant slept in the sink, the second slept in the shower and the third slept in the toilet...
Next day when they woke up, the first ant said,"I slept fine." The second ant said,"I slept fine." The third ant said,"I slept fine but first it thundered then it rained then a huge log fell over my head."

Three youngsters are having hot discussion, about whose father is the tallest one.
The first one said, "My father is just like statue of Liberty. Your hat will fall off if you look at him"
The second one does not want to loose the discussion. He added, "That's nothing! You can not see my father's hands, when he stands up and waves. They vanish in the clouds".
The third one, a born winner in the discussion, confidently added, "Did your father's hands feel something, when he was waving in the clouds?"
The second one replied confidently that he is going to win the discussion, "Why, certainly, he once told me his hands felt something up in the clouds and he tried to pull that."
The third one said, "That something was my father's under pant. He once complained that they are being pulled by someone while standing."