Tie Jokes / Recent Jokes

A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they're curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object. After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge. After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole. The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat. The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well. "That couldn't be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroa d tie!"

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

2) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.

3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

4) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.

7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.

9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

10) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.

12) Patient -- Stands very close for a more...

A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they are curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom.

They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object.

After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge. After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole.

The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat.

The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well.

"That couldnt be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroad tie!"

A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course theyre curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object. After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge. After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole. The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat. The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well."That couldnt be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroa d tie!"

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old,
abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble
and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard
nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited.
Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came
upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to
the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat
suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their
faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He
asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said
that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man
replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be *my* goat, mine was tied to a
railroad tie."

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, I can't serve you here unless you are wearing a tie."

The man says, "Okay, I'll be right back," and goes to his car to find anything he can use for a tie. All he finds is a set of jumper cables, so he ties them around his neck, goes back in and asks, "How's this?"

The bartender replies, "Well, okay, but don't start anything."

Bill Gates, Andy Grove, & Jerry sanders (CEOs of Microsoft, Intel & AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussions, a beeping noise was suddenly emitted from where Bill was sitting. Bill said: "Oh! that's my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to take this call.: So Bill lifted his wrist-watch to his ear and began talking into the end of his tie. Having completed the call, he noticed the others were staring at him. So Bill explained: "Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way, I can take a call anywhere." The others nodded, and the meeting continued. 5 min later, the discussion was again interrupted when this time round, from Andy started a beeping sound. "Oh that's my emergency beeper" he said. "Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call." Andy tapped his earlobe and began talking into more...