Tie Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ok guys, own up... which one are you?
Excitable Type Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.
Sociable Type Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not.
Timid Type Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.
Nosy Type Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy.
Indifferent Type All urinals being occupied, uses sink.
Clever Type Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot.
Vain Type Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.
Absent-Minded Type Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants.
Worried Type Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing.
Disgruntled Type Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.
Conceited Type Holds 2-inch tool like a more...
A colleague on our campus came to work this morning sporting a musical, Christmas tie given to him by his wife and daughter.
He told me that his daughter admonished him to leave at home the box the tie came in because, clearly printed on it, are the words, "Squeeze my tip and hear me sing".
Of course, he had it with him when he arrived for work this morning!
Ok guys, own up... which one are you? Excitable Type Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger. Sociable Type Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not. Timid Type Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later. Nosy Type Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy. Indifferent Type All urinals being occupied, uses sink. Clever Type Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot. Vain Type Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do. Absent-Minded Type Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants. Worried Type Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing. Disgruntled Type Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering. Conceited Type Holds 2-inch tool like a baseball bat while peeing. Sneaky Type Drops silent farts while peeing and looks at the guy next to him. Sloppy Type Pees on more...
A guy goes to a nightclub and when the bouncer won’t let him in the guy asks, “‘Why not? ”
“Because you’re not wearing a tie, ” says the bouncer.
“But I have come all the way from the other end of town? says the guy.
“Sorry mate, that’s the rules, ” says the bouncer.
So the guy goes back to his car to try and see if he can find a tie or something like one. He finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around himself, and goes back to the club.
“Is this all right? ” he asks the bouncer.
“Well, all right then? replies the bouncer. “But I’ll be watching you - don’t start anything! ”
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it under his shirt and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest class in the school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times. While working at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class become more and more unmanageable. Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
Q: “Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie? ”
A: “He said it was too tight. ”
Absent Minded: Opens his vest, pulls out his tie, and pisses in his pants. Clever: Uses no hands, shows off by fixing tie with both hands, looks around for admiration, and sometimes ends up pissing on the floor and onto his shoes. Cross-eyed: Looks into urinal on the left, pisses into the one in the center, and flushes the one on the right. Desperate: Waits in a long time, teeth floating and feet shuffling. Starts to piss as he walks up to urinal but before he can unzip himself. Lets out a long groan and grunt as he finally gets to relieve himself. Disgruntled: Stands for a while, grunts, gives up, and walks away. Drunk: Holds left thumb in right hand and pisses into his pants. Easily induced: Any thought, mention, sight, or slosh of a liquid, from sipping coffee to a runny nose, causes bladder to immediately signal full condition. Efficient: Waits until he has to crap, then does both at once. Erect: Either because his bladder is full or he just saw a sexy woman, his penis is so erect more...