Ties Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man has a dog that snores in his sleep. Annoyed, because she can't sleep, his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.
A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog's testicles, and sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him!
The woman sleeps very soundly.
The next morning, the husband wakes up very hung over.
He tumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the more...
A fleeing Taliban fighter, desperate for a drink, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he came across a little man at a stall selling ties. "Do you have water?" the Taliban rebel asked. "No, but would you like to buy a tie? $50." "Fool!" shouted the fighter. "I don't need an over-priced tie. I should kill you, but I must find water first." "OK," said the stallowner. "It does not matter that you do not want my ties and that you hate me. I will show you I am a bigger man than that. If you continue over that hill for about five kilometres, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice-cold water you need." Muttering, the fighter staggered over the hill. Several hours later, he staggered back. "Your filthy swine of a brother won't let me in without a tie."
Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season. Republicans do too, all year round.
Chrysler is set to sever ties with 789 dealers. So now we know drugs were the problem.