Time Jokes / Recent Jokes

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity.
(Source: Outside Magazine)
Grand Canyon National Park...
Was this man-made?
Do you light it up at night?
I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom - where is it?
So where are the faces of the presidents?
Everglades National Park...
Are the alligators real?
Are the baby alligators for sale?
Where are all the rides?
What time does the two o'clock bus leave?
Denali National Park (Alaska)...
What time do you feed the bears?
Can you show me where the yeti lives?
How often do you mow the tundra?
How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
Mesa Verde National Park...
Did people build this, or did Indians?
Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
What did they worship in the kivas - their own made-up religion?
Do you know of any more...

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister
and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "
Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting
and more...

For the first time in many years, an old man living in a rural town decided to go to the city to see a movie. After purchasing his ticket, he stopped by the concession stand to buy some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.75, he couldn't resist commenting, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn only cost 15 cents."
"Well, sir," replied the attendant with a grin, "you're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now!"

* The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.

* Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.

* The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

* Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

* British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

* Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

* When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...

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Your left lung is smaller in size than your right lung, it is like that in order to make room for your heart.
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Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time
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Male human brains are about 10 percent heavier than female brains
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Before 1800 there were no separately designed shoes for right and left feet
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The glossy look to lipstick comes from fish scales, which are iridescent
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To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe
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Honey is used as a center for golf balls and in antifreeze mixtures
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The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'
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Your body weight is lower at 9 A.M. than at any other time of the day
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The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night
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40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals
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Without any greenhouse effect, Earth would be cold more...

Santa calls a call center of air sahara to know the journey time of delhi to bombay. When his call gets connected, he asks "sir, how much time will your plane take from delhi to bombay? Officer says "just a minute sir' santa says thankyou very much and disconnects the call.

For those of you who question whether you are in love, in lust, or really married, the following descriptions may help to clear things up.
Love - When intercourse is called - making love.
Lust - When intercourse is called - screwing.
Marriage - What's intercourse?
Love - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage - When you lose your child in a crowded room.
Love - When you share everything you own.
Lust - When you steal everything they own.
Marriage - When the bank owns everything.
Love - When it doesn't matter if you don't reach a climax.
Lust - When the relationship ends if you don't reach a climax.
Marriage - What's a climax?
Love - When you phone each other just to say Hi.
Lust - When you phone each other to choose a hotel room.
Marriage - When you phone each other to bitch.
Love - When you write poems about your partner.
Lust - When all you write is more...