Tire Jokes / Recent Jokes

[I got this from They Used to Call Me Snow White...But I Drifted
by Regina Barreca. CTM]
This couple out on a date get a flat while driving along on a snowy
night. He goes out to change the tire, but doesn't have any gloves
so before long he comes back in, job half-done, with blue hands. "Put
your hands between my legs to warm them up," says she. So he does,
and goes back out to the flat tire. It's so cold, he has to come back
in one more time to warm up his hands, again at her invitation,
between her legs. He finally finishes the job and comes back into the
car triumphant and puts the key into the ignition.
She looks at him and says, "Aren't your ears cold?"

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted.

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says,' I don't really see that you ever really did anything great in your life, but I don't see anything really bad either.'

'Tell you what,' St. Peter says.' If you can tell me of one REALLY good deed you did in your life, I'll let you in.'

The guy thinks for a moment and says,' OK, well there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of' em torturing this woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang members formed a more...

It was a bright spring morning and 4 high school students decided to play hookey. They didn't arrive at school until after lunch and told the teacher as their excuse that their car had a flat tire. (Remember the days when you had to walk and take the bus? These kids have their own cars today!) Anyway, back to the story... To their relief, the teacher just smiled and said, "You boys missed a little quiz this morning. Please take seats apart from one another and get out your pencils and paper."

When the boys were seated at their desks (far apart), the teacher said, "OK, now each of you is to write an essay on WHICH tire was flat and how you fixed it."

There is a bus load of people on a bus that just came from a track meet. They were driving down the road and they got a hole in the tire and they stopped and got out. The blonde got out and seen the hole was on the top of the tire and asked how do you get a hole on top of the tire?

Santa is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Santa is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Santa was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Santa is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey! Why don`t you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That`ll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Santa is startled by the patient`s seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I`m in here because I`m crazy, not because I`m stupid."

A group of nuns were traveling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and attempted to change it, but being rather unworldly, they had no idea how to go about it. Fortunately, a truck came along and the driver offered to change it for them. They gratefully accepted.

As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he screamed.

"Sir, that is inappropriate language," the eldest nun said. "We understand you're upset, but must you use such language?"

"My apologies, Sister," he replied, and tried again. It slipped again and nearly smashed his fingers. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he screamed.

"Please, sir, we would ask you again to not use such language," the nun scolded. "If changing our tire is causing you to do so, perhaps it would be best if you didn't help us."

"I'm sorry, Sister, but I get so upset that it just comes out," more...

there once was a sales clerk named John, while at work his boss asked him to make a dilivery. Hey having the othmost respect for his boss accepted the job and set of
while driving about half way there his car tire blew out. having no spare he walked to the nearest auto shop and bought one. once he returned he discovered that his car was gone. onlyn the flat tire was left he thought to himself and said (things cant get any worse) he started walkinng. while walking a man in a car stopped and offered him a ride. he gleefully accepted.
while driving the car skidded off the road and crashed, the gas from the tank was leaking and was ignighted by a spark and it blew up tearing off most of Johns clothes, and killing the driver. walking alone on this lonel road, with only peices of clothes and his wallet, he thought to himself (things cant get any worse) then it started to rain and he said once again (things cant get any worse) then he was struck by a bolt of lightening. after more...