Tire Jokes / Recent Jokes

Since at one time or another, I have seen idiots doing such things, I thought I might just as well make it easy for them and give them a list.
When your car is so old as to break down every mile or so, be sure to drive on bridges and narrow highways during peak rush hour traffic.
If your car breaks down while driving, stay in the middle of the road. Do not attempt to move to the shoulder.
When disabled in the road, leave your car door wide open.
If it is necessary to change your tire on a road shoulder, place the flat tire in the middle of the road and make traffic drive around it.
If your muffler system breaks, keep it broken as long as possible. Drive through residential neighborhoods at night as much as you can and rev the engine.
Drag your exhaust system on the ground when possible.
If your car leaks oil, and you visit friends or relatives, park in their driveway.
Never replace worn tires and drive fast on wet roads and slippery roads.
If you more...

Two guys were taking chemistry at the University of Louisville. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, and labs, and had a solid "A" going into the final. They were so confident that the weekend before finals (the chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Kentucky and party with some friends.

They had a great time, however, they overslept on Sunday and didn't make it back to Louisville until early Monday morning. Rather than take the final then, they found their professor after the final and explained to him why they missed it.

They told him that they went up to the University of Kentucky for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back. They didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time and that's why they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final the following more...

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.

Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing.

"Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something."

Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?"

The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm more...

This couple out on a date get a flat tire while driving along on a snowy night. They guy gets out to change the tire, but he doesn't have any gloves so before long he gets back in the car with the job half-done, his hands blue from the cold." Put your hands between my legs to warm them up," offers his gal. So he does, then gets out to finish the job. It's so cold, however, that he has to come back one more time to warm his hands, again between her legs. Finally, he finishes the job and gets back into the car, and is about to put the keys into the ignition when she asks, "Aren't your ears cold too?"

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tacks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street because the sign said DONT WALK

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tracks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.
My tire was thumping...
I thought it was flat...
when I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat... Sorry
You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends...
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.
You've announced that you're gay,
won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.
Heard your wife left you...
How upset you must be...
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me
Your computer is dead...
it was once so alive...
Do you regret installing
Win 95?
You totalled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that case of Bud Dry?