Tire Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.
2. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers... and a box of Depends.
4. Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be.
But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
5. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help butwonder .. What the hell was I thinking!
6. Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband.
7. How could two people as beautiful as you... Have such an ugly baby?
8. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you... I've changed my mind.
9. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life....
I never believed in Hell till I met you.
10. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
that more...
. ..and Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
...and Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
...and Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
...and Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
...and Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
...and Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
...and Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
...and Law of Close Encounters
The probability of more...
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
“Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers
lack normal seepage
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level
(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm more...
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black more...
It was dusk time when a man had a flat tire right in front of a mental health hospital. After unscrewing the four nuts of the flat tire, he noticed that a hospital patient is watching him from over a nearby embankment. He managed to step on the hubcap in which he had carefully placed the nuts. To his dismay, the nuts went flying into the grass on the side of the road. So he got on his hands and knees and started searching in vain for the nuts in the semi-darkness.
A few minutes later he heard the mental patient chuckle, so he shouted at him irritably, "What are you laughing at?"
The other guy explained: "Well, you have three other tires, each of which has four nuts... If you were to take one nut from each, you'll end up with four tires being held in place with three nuts per tire. This should be safe enough for you to drive to the next town over, where you can buy a new set of nuts."
Embarrassed, the poor car driver couldn't help asking, "How come more...