Tire Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was dusk time when a man had a flat tire right in front of a mental health hospital. After unscrewing the four nuts of the flat tire, he noticed that a hospital patient is watching him from over a nearby embankment. He managed to step on the hubcap in which he had carefully placed the nuts. To his dismay, the nuts went flying into the grass on the side of the road. So he got on his hands and knees and started searching in vain for the nuts in the semi-darkness. A few minutes later he heard the mental patient chuckle, so he shouted at him irritably, "What are you laughing at?" The other guy explained: "Well, you have three other tires, each of which has four nuts... If you were to take one nut from each, you'll end up with four tires being held in place with three nuts per tire. This should be safe enough for you to drive to the next town over, where you can buy a new set of nuts." Embarrassed, the poor car driver couldn't help asking, "How come you're so more...
GREETING CARDS UNSUCCESSFULLY MARKETED BY HALLMARK
1. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy!' Cause when I got one... I got real snippy.
2. I heard you had herpes... and I feel terrible... I'd say "Get well soon"... but I know it's incurable.
3. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire.... I found your cat... Sorry!
4. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends.... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
5. You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
6. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.
7. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... Don't fret about your wife though... She's moving in with me.
8. Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you shouldn't have installed... more...
REJECTED HALLMARK CARDS
1. So your Daughters a hooker and it spoiled your day... look on the bright side, she's a really good lay.
2. My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.
3. You had your Bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of depends.
4. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I felt real snippy.
5. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
6. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry
A group of nuns were traveling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and attempted to change it, but being rather unworldly, they had no idea how to go about it. Fortunately, a truck came along and the driver offered to change it for them. They gratefully accepted.
As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he screamed.
"Sir, that is inappropriate language," the eldest nun said. "We understand you're upset, but must you use such language?"
"My apologies, Sister," he replied, and tried again. It slipped again and nearly smashed his fingers. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he screamed.
"Please, sir, we would ask you again to not use such language," the nun scolded. "If changing our tire is causing you to do so, perhaps it would be best if you didn't help us."
"I'm sorry, Sister, but I get so upset that it just comes out," the trucker more...
A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain.A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from
the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station.The motorist thanked him profusely and said, "I don't know why you are in that place."The patient said, "I'm in here for being crazy, not for being stupid."
GOLF COURSE!
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny afternoon. The first of the
twosome teed off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward
a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Sure enough, the ball hit one of the guys, and he immediately clasped his
hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground, and proceeded to roll
around in agony. The woman rushed over and immediately began to apologize.
She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help
ease his pain. "Ummph, ooh, nnooo, I'll be alright... I'll be fine in a
few minutes", he replied as he remained in the fetal position still
clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he
finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid
them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside, beginning
to massage him.
"Does that feel better?", she more...
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to go to a party instead and they didn't get any studying done.
When they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study.
That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.
As each sat down, they read the first question.
"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."
At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued... "For 95 more...