Tit Jokes

For years' n years they told me, "Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests." So I heeded all their warnings And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, An always wore a bra. After thirty years of careful care, The doctor found a lump, He ordered up a Mammogram To look inside that clump." Stand up very close," she said, As she got my tit in line, "And tell me when it hurts," she said, "Ah, yes! There! That's just fine." She stepped upon a pedal.. . I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate was pressing down. My boob was in a vise!!! My skin was stretched' n stretched From way up by my chin, And my poor tit was being squeezed To Swedish pancake thin!!! Excruciating pain I felt, Within its vise-like grip, A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit!!"Take a deep breath" she said to me Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is smashed in her machine, I can't more...

ODE TO A MAMMOGRAM
---Author unknown

For years' n years they told me,
be careful of your breasts
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
and give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings
and protected them by law
Guarded them very carefully,
and always wore a bra.

After 30 years of careful care,
the doctor found a lump
He ordered up a mammogram
to look inside that clump.

Stand up very close, she said,
as she got my tit in line
And tell me when it hurts, she said,
Ah, yes, there! That's just fine.

She stepped upon a pedal...
I could not believe my eyes
A plastic plate was pressing down...
My boob was in a vice!!!

My skin was stretched' n stretched
from way up by my chin
And my poor tit was being squashed
to swedish pancake thin!!!

Excruciating pain I felt within
it's vice-like grip
A prisoner in this more...