Toast Jokes / Recent Jokes

What is the difference between a piece of toast and a french man?
You can make soilders out of toast

Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days, or you will get a Weak End (Weekend). Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door. Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring. Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without. Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and she'll last for many years. Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy... by remaining a bachelor. Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do... but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did. Forecast for Wedding... Expected development of warm front, with extreme turbulence and moisture in lower regions. Good possibility of six inches overnight. Sun (son) is expected later on. Friend of groom giving a toast: Here's a toast to your new bride who has more...

Toast always lands butter-side down.
And cats always land on their feet.
What would happen if you spread butter on a cat's back and dropped it out of a window?

Toasters are an often overlooked part of life. But their importance is great! A good toaster which evenly toasts the bread to the perfect light browness of delectablity is worth it's weight in gold and if it can do bagels, look out! The question is what if the "BIGGIES IN TECHNO" made toasters? If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Xerox made toasters...
You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you. If Radio Shack made toasters...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster. If Oracle made toasters...
They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still more...

A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. "I am so obsessed with my mother... As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up insuch a state, all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast." The psychiatrist replies: "What, just one piece of toast, for a big boy like you?" Sent by Yasha

A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery. She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her. Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast (which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice). She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle. And so it continued... Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun. She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it. When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle and a frown came over his face." Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast, but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," he said, pointing to the urine bottle." Oh, really?" she replied, picking up the bottle in question and putting it to her lips. "In that case, we'd more...

If IBM made toasters. ..
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
If Microsoft made toasters. ..
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.
If Apple made toasters. ..
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.
If Xerox more...