Today Jokes / Recent Jokes
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?" His father says, "No... how old?" He says, "I'm eleven!"He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, knowhow old I am today?" She says, "Come closer..."She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into hisunderwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says,"You're eleven." He says, "How could you tell?" She says, "I heard you tell your father."
Late Nite Jokes heard on T.V.
"There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's head who wears Bounty on his head."
— Jay Leno
"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves."
— David Letterman
"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard."
— David Letterman
"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll more...
How does your head feel today?
As good as new.
It should be as good as new - it's never been used.
July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best
online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto
it in case they don't ever send me another one! I can't connect. I don't know
what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I
don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't
fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. That nine year old next door
did it for me. But it still don't work. I can't get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for
me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just
another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for
people. Anyway he's smarter then the more...
Late Nite Jokes heard on T.V.
"There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's head who wears Bounty on his head."
— Jay Leno
"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves."
— David Letterman
"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard."
— David Letterman
"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll more...
July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They more...