Toilet Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this guy, let's call him bob. One night Bob went to about 5 bars, and he drank, like, 17 beers. After he was done with that, like any normally functioning person, he really had to go. So he asked the bartender where the bathroom was, and he went to where he thought it was. Later that night, Bob was laying in bed trying to go to sleep, and he was thought, "wait a minute.. there was a golden toilet!!" Right then he got up and went out to find the special toilet. He had hit 5 bars that night, so he went to the first one, asked where the bathroom was, when he went and looked, there was no golden toilet. This continued until he got to the last bar, he was really tired by then, and rather then going to look for the toilet himself, he asked the bartender, "do you by any chance have a golden toilet here?" and the bartender said to another person that was there, "hey! I think I found the guy who crapped in the tuba!!!"

I'm picturing lovely ribbons winding like candy canes down the iron
bars, and useful storage containers she's built that glide easily below
her bunk bed in which she'll store sheets and linens from K-Mart's
going-out-of-business sale.
The lone toilet will be transformed into a bouquet spilling over with
toilet paper flowers, into which a trickling cascade of water will flow
from the sink in a bird bath-like fashion, in an effort to attract sparrows
through the open bars of her window.
Once trapped in her cell, the sparrows will be slowly roasted with
matches for which Martha will have gotten by beating up her cellmate.
They will be stuffed with acorns found in the prison courtyard. I hear
it's Martha's intention to collect enough birds to offer a Thanksgiving
feast to all those who continue to subscribe to her magazine, even
while in prison, although she has asked that each of them commit
to a year of service as part of her newly more...

What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking - "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded more...

Confucious say:
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Man who stand on toilet
high on pot. It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for
boy to park meat in girl! Man who jizz in cash register come into
money. Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time. Man who fart
in church must sit in own pew. Man who finger girl having period get
caught red handed. Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam. Baseball
wrong-man with four balls cannot walk. Man who eat many prunes get
good run for money. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with
smelly finger. Learn to masturbate-come in handy. Woman who pounce
on dead rooster go down on limp cock. Man who buy drowned cat must
pay for wet pussy. Virgin like balloon-one prick, all gone.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Nobody knows. It has never happened.

What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking - "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."
What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it more...

A sardar boarded a train. Suddenly he felt a necessity to use the toilet. He entered the toilet and saw his reflection in the mirror, which was right opposite the door. Thinking it to be another sardar, he excused himself, and went to wait outside. When after some time he re-entered the toilet, he saw the same sardar again, seeing this, he again excused himself.
This went on for about an hour, and now sardarji were in great trouble, suddenly he saw a sardar TTC, and he thanked god for his help, and went to the TTC. He told the TTC his trouble. TTC assured him that he would do all he could to help a fellow sardar, and entered the toilet.Then he came back and told the sardar, Sorry, can't help you. He is a staff member!