Tomato Jokes / Recent Jokes
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.
The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day."
Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the manager replies, "You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address or internet access you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day."
Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25 lb. crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a more...
An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He
wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was a lot of
work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent,
who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote
a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I
won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm
just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I
know if you were here my troubles would be over. I
know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a. m. the next morning, FBI agents and local
police arrived and dug up the entire area without
finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
left.
That same day the old man received another letter more...
Notes from an inexperienced chili tester named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the east coast:
Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The regular judge called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the two other judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have all the free beer I wanted during the chili tasting, so I accepted.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
CHILI #1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
Judge #1: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2: Nice, smooth flavor. Very mild.
Frank: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me 3 beers to put the flames out. I hope this is the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI #2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge #1: Smoky, with more...