Beef Jokes

You're so ugly your mom has to tie a roast beef sandwich around your neck to get the dog to play with you.

Q.) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? A.) They're hiring.
Q.) What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A.) "Dam."
Q.) How do crazy people go through the forest? A.) They take the psycho path.
Q.) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the toilet too long? A.) Polaroids.
Q.) What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? A.) National Dyslexia Association.
Q.) What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A.) Nacho Cheese.
Q.) What do you call Santa's helpers? A.) Subordinate Clauses.
Q.) What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? A.) Quattro sinko.
Q.) What do you get from a pampered cow? A.) Spoiled milk.
Q.) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A.) Frostbite.
Q.) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A.) A nervous wreck.
Q.) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A.) Anyone can roast beef.
Q.) Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A.) more...

There was a Irishman, Mexican, and a blond guy, who were construction workers and they were working on top of a building. It was lunch time and the Irsh man opens his lunch pail and he gets cabbage and beef and he says, "If I get one more beef and cabage for lunch I'm gonna jump off of this building."
Then the Mexican opens his lunch pail and he gets a burrito, he says if I get one more burrito for lunch I'm gonna jump off this building. The blond man opens his lunch pale and gets a bologna sandwhich he siad if I get one more bologna sandwhich I'm goona jump off of this building.
The next day the Irish man opens his lunch pail and finds cabage and beef so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the Mexican opens hid lunch pail and finds a burrito so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the blond guy opens his lunch pale and finds a bologna sandwhich, so he jumps off to his death as well.
The next day at their funeral the Irish man's wife said, more...

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

A magician was driving down the road.. then he turned into a drive way...

Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Funny, I smell carrots too".

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"

When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic." Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it.The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. more...