Tomorrow Jokes / Recent Jokes

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an Old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."The next day it rained.A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."The next day there was a hailstorm."This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio broken."

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, Class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow." "We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone." "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune." "And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed." No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.
Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day.
"I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I`m very pleased with the job you did today. You`re one of the fastest workers we`ve ever had."
"Thank you, Sir" said Santa, beaming, "and tomorrow I`ll try to do even better."
"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"
Santa replied, "Tomorrow I`m going to read the addresses."

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

One day a cop was walking along in the ghetto. He came upon a guy sitting on the curb and thinking. He went up to the guy.
"What are you doing," the cop asks."
I'm just thinking about starting a bar right over there, but I can't think of a name for the place," the man replied."
If you can come up with a name for me I'll give you a free drink,"the guy said. The cop likes this idea, so the first thing he thinks of he tells the man."
How about Susie," the cop suggests.
"Susie, I like it. Come back tomorrow for you're drink," said the man.
The cop returns to the ghetto the next day. The guy is sitting on the curb again."
What about Susie?"
the cop asked."
The man answered," I thought about it and I decided I didn't like it.I'll give you two drinks if you come up with a better name" The cop thought for a moment and said" Susie's Legs" The man agreed and told the cop to more...

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real painintheass, constantly complaining:' The bus seats are uncomfortable.'' The food is terrible.'' It's too hot.'' It's too cold' The accommodations are awful.' You have surely known her, and/or too many like her.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.

' Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,' the guide said.' Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.'

' We can't be here tomorrow,' the nasty woman shouted.' We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone.'

' Well now,' the guide said,' it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune.'

' And I suppose you've kissed the stone,' the woman scoffed.

' No, ma'am,' the frustrated guide more...