Tongue Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Roto Rooter:
Their tongue ventures so far down your throat that it actually begins to choke you.
The Rooster:
They begin to kiss you, then suddenly pull way... lean forward, then draw back!
The Swordfish:
They operate their tongue much like a swordfish uses it's snout, in a blunt and violent manner.
The Grouper:
As they kiss you, their lips (which could require their own zip code) completely engulf yours.
The Deep Sea Diver:
They rarely come up for air.
The Lizard:
Their tongue darts in and out of your mouth like a reptile probing for its next victim.
Frozen in Time:
They never change the position, posture or angle of their head. It is as if they have mastered kissing cryogenics.
The Squid:
They seem to excrete an awful flavor. All you can think of is how to slip them a breath mint.
The Wrecking Ball:
They kiss like a battering ram. Whoa, look out, here they come again!
Nick-o-Teen:
Kissing them is like more...
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sitsdown in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if ask how you got yours? Other guy: Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident.See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with huge, huge breasts was there. So, instead of saying I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh. She socked me one.First guy: Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: "Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties."But I accidentally said: "You ruined my life you fucking bitch!"
A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and sits down. He looks over at the guy next to him who also has a black eye and they both laugh. One guy says, I got mine with a slip of the tongue. I went to the train station ticket window to get a ticket and their was this beautiful, large breasted woman sitting there. I said I would like a pickett too tittsburg and she punched me in the eye.
The other guy said, I got mine with a slip of the tongue too. At breakfast instead of asking my wife to pass the cheerios I said you ruined my life you fat bitch!
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I'm toned and perfect. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought at Walmart. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner - it smells a little funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK.
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are more...
Confucius say...Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.Man who fart in church sit in own pew.Baseball very funny game-man with 4 balls no can walk! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town.Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have! Man who run behind car get exhausted.Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.Man with atletic finger make broad jump.Squirrel who runs up more...
The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, “Hey! Cut it out, already. ” The rear tiger says, “Sorry, ” and they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, “I said stop it! ” The rear tiger says, “Sorry, ” and they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, “What is it with you, anyway? ”
The rear tiger replies, “Well, I just ate a lawyer and I’m trying to get the taste out of my mouth!