Tongue Jokes / Recent Jokes

Movie Indians are always saying "White man speak with forked tongue"

"Yeah, I wish. If I had a forked tongue, I'd be scraping satisfied women off my bedroom ceiling."

What did the boy with a long tongue and biglips say to his mom as he was masturbating? "look Ma', no hands"

Confucius say... Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Man who fly plane upside down have crackup. Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town. Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk. A girl's best asset is her' lie'ability. Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have! Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger. Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard. Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing. Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down. Man with atletic finger make broad jump. more...

Two tigers were stalking through the jungles of Asia. Suddenly, the one to the rear reached out with his tongue, and licked the posterior of the tiger in front of him. The startled front tiger turned and said, "Cut it out." The rear tiger apologized, and they continued onward.

About five minutes later, it happened again. The front tiger turned, growling, "I said stop it." The rear tiger again apologized, and they continued.

Another five minutes passed, and again the front tiger felt the unwanted tongue. The front tiger turned, giving the rear tiger a ferocious glare, angrily hissing, "What is it with you?"

The rear tiger replied, "I'm sorry -- I really didn't mean to offend you. But I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"

* If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

* The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet.

* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

* On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

* The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.

* It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

* You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

* Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

* Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

* Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?

* Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

* In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows more...

Tony Blair is backpeddling after he agreed with an interviewer who called the war in Iraq a "disaster."

A spokesman for Blair called it a "slip of the tongue," explaining that he should have preceded it with "unmitigated."

>>The Lovers of the Heart
>>
>>Article 1: Statement of Love: The Kiss
>>
>>1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you
>>2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends
>>3. Kiss on the neck... I want you
>>4. Kiss on the lips... I love you
>>5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing
>>6. Kiss anywhere else. .. lets not get carried away
>>7. Look in your eyes. .. kiss me
>>8. Playing with your hair... I can't live without you
>>9. Hand on your waist... I love you to much to let you go
>>
>>Article 2: The Three Steps
>>
>>1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him
>>2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good
>>3. Guys & Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare
>>
>>Article 3: The Commandments
>>
>>1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard.
>>2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one.
>>3. Thou shall kiss at every more...