Tool Jokes

A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front:Let me put my tool in your mouth... and on the back:...and I will fill your cavity.

A priest and a Nun were lost in the desert, riding on a camel. All of a sudden, the camel dies, and their only transportation is gone.
The nun and the Priest are now doomed to die, and they decide to just sit and talk and confess some things...during their conversations, they come across the subject of sex.
The Nun then shyly speaks, "I am a virgin, and have never seen what is between a man's legs". So the Priest, being pretty confident about his size, whips it out, and tells her, "This is a tool...the tool that gives life".
The nun thinks for awhile, and says - "well then Mr, how about you shove that thing up that dead camel's ass!"

Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner or the workshop. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes.

Ok guys, own up... which one are you?

Excitable Type Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.

Sociable Type Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not.

Timid Type Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.

Nosy Type Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy.

Indifferent Type All urinals being occupied, uses sink.

Clever Type Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot.

Vain Type Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.

Absent-Minded Type Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants.

Worried Type Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing.

Disgruntled Type Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.

Conceited Type Holds 2-inch tool like a more...

Anthony’s Law of Force: Don’t force it, get a larger hammer.
Anthony’s Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner or the workshop. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes.
Baker’s Law: Misery no longer loves company, Nowadays it insists on it. - Columnist Russell Baker
Banacek’s Eighteenth Polish Proverb: The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
Barker’s Proof: Proofreading is more effective after publication.
Becker’s Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one. - Jules Becker & Co. (Becker goes on to claim that his law permeates industry as well as government, “…once a person has been hired inertia sets in, and the employer would rather settle for the current employee’s incompetence and idiosyncrasies than look for a new employee. ”)
Belle’s Constant: The ratio of time involved in work to more...