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Mister Nene, his wife and his son were returning by train to home in Maharastra after taking a trip of South India. Mister Nene was occupying the lower berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.
When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed and got off the train.
When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai who couldn't understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help.
TT was a South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole situation to him in English.
So Mr. Nene explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
Not long ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick and the trainee eleves weren't making toys as fast as the regulars, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind. To top it off, Mrs. Claus had just told Santa that her mom was coming to visit.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found the three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey only to find out that the elves had drunk every last drop. In frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten it.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa went to the door, cussing all more...
Top nine reasons computers must be male:
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
A better model is always just around the corner.
They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
It is always necessary to have a backup.
They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
The lights are on but nobody’s home.
Big power surges knock them out for the night.
Size does matter
Top nine reasons computers must be female:
Picky, picky, picky.
They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
Beauty is only shell deep.
When you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing”.
Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
Always turning simple statements into big productions.
Smalltalk is important.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
They make you take the garbage out.
The Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates's Diary
11> Invited entire tech-support department to play golf.Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.
10> Steve Jobs started work today.The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.
9> The baby cries constantly.Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.
8> Bought my first Macintosh.It's sooooo cute!
7> Good day.Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.
6> Bad day.Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.
5> Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner.Yes!
4> Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!
3> Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.
2> Ran into Demi and Bruce.Upped my offer to a billion dollars.
and the Number 1 Entry in Bill Gates's more...
A teacher asks her class, " If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied " Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied, " The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.
Okay so theres this kid, right? and for school he had to write a report on something so he wrote his on purple flowers. The next day, his teacher asks him what he wrote his report on and hes like, ”purple flowers” and she’s like, ” Thats horrible your expelled! ” so he comes home and his dads like, ”what did u get expelled for? ” and hes like” i wrote areport on purple flowers” and his dads like “oh my god you cant live here anymore” so anywho, he goes to this orphanage and stays there for a while until they’re like “what did u do to get kicked out, man? ” and hes like”i wrote a report on purple flowers” and theyre like” erg thats horrible you cant stay here” and so he goes to this hindu dude and hes like” go to hinduville and go see the wise one at the top of the hill” so he goes to see the wise one at the top of the hill in Hinduville and the wise ones like” you will find your answer at the bottom of the hill across the street” so he more...
TOP TEN REASONS WHY COREL LOST $32 MILLION
'Analysts say the discrepancy resulted from a lack of sales through resellers to end users'--that's the official reason Corel lost $32 million in the third quarter. Sounds like a cover-up to us. Herewith, the *real* reasons for the revenue shortfall:
10. Hot air for the Corel blimp
9. Still waiting for Sun and Netscape to come through on the Office for Java deal
8. Fuel cost write-off for Dr. Cowpland's Lamborghini
7. New Canadian hockey tax really takes a bite
6. Photo CD' The Statuary of Flint, Michigan' never generated anticipated revenue
5. Started their Macintosh product division too late
4. Shipping costs of massive Corel Office Suite much higher than expected
3. Corel C++ for Java for Windows
2. CFO did the financial statement in CorelDraw...
1.. ..and designed the annual report in Quattro Pro