Totally Jokes

The disappointed salesman of Coke returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic.
So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters. The first poster is a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place".
"That should have worked", said the friend."
He replied, "Well, I didn't know Arabic, neither did I realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.

The doctor said, "Well, this Ph. D. brain costs $10, 000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15, 000. Here we have a policeman''s brain as well. It costs $50, 000."

The client asked, "What? How''s that possible?" The doctor replied, "You see, it''s totally unused."

One day two robins walked along the road, planning their day.
Robin #1:Oh my god, we totally have to get some bronzing oil!
Robin #2:Duh, I mean if are going to spend the whole day at the beach we totally have to!
That day while the robins were tanning on the beach a big bad fox came along. He took one look at them and said:
Fox:Mmmm, I love Baskin' Robins!

Excerpted from the book "Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest," (c) 1996 by John J Kohut and Roland Sweet
While defending a man in D.C. Superior Court accused of beating his girlfriend's 12-year-old daughter, a Washington attorney announced after three days that he was withdrawing from the case.
He explained that he had expected the trial to proceed in a more timely manner and had purchased nonrefundable airline tickets for a vacation.
"It's manifestly necessary in my view that you continue the defense of your client," the judge told the attorney. When this plea failed, the judge threatened to hold him in custody to assure his presence in the courtroom.
The attorney warned that such a move would only harm his client. "I mean, I'll just be extremely hostile to the defendant. I'm just going to be totally hostile, totally hostile," he told the judge, who was forced to declare a mistrial.

What Do You Call An English Teacher
"Five Feet Tall, Covered From Head To Toe In Boils And Totally Bald? Sir!"