Tough Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were three city mice sitting at a bar. The first mouse takes a
shot of tequilla, slams the glass on the table and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets with my morning coffee - just for an extra jolt to start off each day."
The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams his whiskey -
throws his glass on the floor and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I go up to the trap outside my nest, I trip the lever and make the trap flip in the air, I catch the bar on its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my feet - then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese for breakfast. It's all part of my morning routine."
The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says...
"I've had enough of you two. I'm going more...

There were three city mice sitting at a bar. The first mouse takes ashot of tequilla, slams the glass on the table and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets with my morning coffee - just for an extra jolt to start off each day."The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams his whiskey -throws his glass on the floor and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I go up to the trap outside my nest, I trip the lever and make the trap flip in the air, I catch the bar on its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my feet - then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese for breakfast. It's all part of my morning routine."The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says..."I've had enough of you two. I'm going to go home and screw the more...

Billy Joe and Billy Ray went to the big city to get jobs.

They had been friends since they were kids, so they decided to apply at the same firm. They had finished filling out the applications and were waiting to see the owner.

Billy Ray was called in first. The owner was a stout man, with a weathered face and a scar above his right eye. He also had the distinguishing feature of having no ears, just two tiny holes in the sides of his head.

The man ordered Billy Ray to sit down. He leaned across the desk and moved his cigar to the corner of his mouth. He growled at Billy Ray "This is a tough business. You have to be on your toes, keen, observant. Look around the room and tell me what you notice!"

Billy Ray looked at the polished glass, chrome furniture, and large bar. He looked at the owner and said "You ain't got no ears!" The owner jumped out of his chair, grabbed Billy Ray by the neck and threw him out of his more...

Once Mahinda Rajapakse, Ranil Wikramasinghe & Mervin Silva were
travelling in a Taxi. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. He asks Mahinda and Ranil to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Mervin, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Mervin is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test. Mahinda is asked to spell' SRI LANKA' and he does it correctly. Ranil is asked to spell' INDIA' and he too passes. It is Mervin's turn and he is asked to spell' more...