Tough Jokes / Recent Jokes
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips..yet she won't drink from my glass!
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed."No more," the man said. "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!"
They say that it's tough to learn Bosnian because it has seven verb tenses: six past, one present, and no future.
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors favor, the home quarterback blew his top. How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed. "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter." The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!" The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass into the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have more...
A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle ofhundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied."The judge'll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We're dead!""I don't think so," his attorney told him. "I sent it in the other lawyer's name!"