Tough Jokes / Recent Jokes
A sheep herder made it in to San Antonio, Texas, after 10 years in the bush.
He found a saloon and approached the bar tender. He told the bartender "I need a woman."
The bartender said, "There are women all over San Antone for a price."
The sheep herder replied, "Just any woman won't do. I ain't fucked nothin' but goats 'n sheep for the last ten years. They got cockle burrs 'n mesquite thorns around their pussy and my old dick is tough with calluses on it, and I need a good tough piece of ass."
So the bartender tells him, "Well, you're in luck. The toughest broad in all San Antonio has a room right up stairs." The bartender picks up the phone contacts the lady, explains the situation, and tells the sheep herder to go
on up.
The sheep herder gets a small ice bucket with two Lone Star long necks (the favorite brew in San Atone), and proceeds up the stairs.
When he gets to the room he says, "The barkeep told me you more...
A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed."No more," the man said. "Next time, Im riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!"
Top Ten Inspirational Sayings We`d Like to See at the Nurse`s Station 10. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 9. If at first you don`t succeed...try management. 8. TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself. 7. Hang in there....retirement is only 35 years away! 6. Go the extra mile...it makes your supervisor look incompetent. 5. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break. 4. Administration...we waste time so you don`t have to. 3. The beatings will continue until morale improves. 2. A person who smiles in the face of adversity, probably has a scapegoat. 1. Succeed in spite of Administration.
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, "I`m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second says, "Well I`m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I`m off home to harass the cat."
Top 20 Sayings We'd Like To See On Those Office Inspirational Posters: 1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. 3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. 4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity. 6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. 7. Plagiarism saves time. 8. If at first you don't succeed, try management. 9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. 10. TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself. 11. The beatings will continue until morale improves. 12. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. 13. We waste time so you more...
Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters
near Paris found English to be an easy language. .. until they tried to
pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below
were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months
at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.
ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF
======================
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But more...