Train Jokes / Recent Jokes
An unmarried Rabbi is on an empty train when a sexy, beautiful woman walks into his empty carriage, carrying a foot long, BLT, Subway sandwich and proceeds to sit down opposite him.
After twenty minutes of emabarrasingly trying to avoid looking at the sexy woman opposite the train comes to a sudden halt and a voice comes over the speakers explaining that the Five Minute Warning has just gone off and that soon the UK will be under nuclear attack.
Shocked at this dreadful and sudden news the Rabbi's thoughts quickly turn to the fact that he will probably be dead within the next five minutes. However instead of taking comfort from his faith and religious training he begins to consider all the things he never did and all the experiences he missed out on due to the religious life he chose to lead.
He quickly realises that he is going to die a virgin too, as he is quite a young Rabbi and he never married. Feeling close to despair at this thought and all the other opportunities more...
Santa, And Banta, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting in a train in Europe. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and. .. it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Banta are sitting there looking perplexed. The Santa is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap. The old woman is thinking: That Santa must have tried to kiss that girl and has got slapped. The Santa is thinking: `Damn it, that Banta
Three PAKISTANIS and three INDIANS are traveling by
train to a Cricket match at the World Cup, while in England.
At the station, the 3 INDIANS buy a ticket each and watch as the three PAKISTANIS buy just one ticket for them all.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the INDIANS. "Watch and learn," answers one of the PAKISTANI.
They all board the train. The INDIANS take their
respective seats but all three PAKISTANIS cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train departs, the ticket checker
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says," Ticket please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The ticket checker takes it and moves on. The INDIANS see this and agree that it was quite a clever idea.
So after the game, they decide to copy the more...
3 Pakistani`s & 3 Indians are traveling by train to a
cricket match at the World Cup in England. At the
station, the 3 INDIANS buy a ticket each and watch as
the three PAKISTANIS buy just one ticket for them all.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks one of the INDIAN "Watch and learn
"answer one of the PAKISTANI`s.
They all board the train. the INDIANS take their
seats but all three PAKISTANIS cram into a toilet and
close the door behind them. Shortly after the train
departs, the conductor comes around collecting
tickets.
He knock on the toilet door and says, "Ticket
please." the door opens just a crack and a single arm
emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it
and moves on.
The INDIANS see this and agree it was a clever idea.
so after the game, they decide to copy the PAKISTANI
style on the return more...
Two blondes were riding a train for the first time. They had brought along a bag of bananas for lunch. Just as one bit into her banana, the train entered a tunnel under a mountain.
In the darkness was overheard, "Did you take a bite of your banana?"
"No."
"Well, don't. I did and I just went blind."
Back in the cowboy days, a wagon train is lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days. Suddenly, they see an old Jewish man sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushes to him and says, "We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get something to eat?"
"Vell," replies the old man, "I vouldn't go up dat hill und down other side. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree."
"A bacon tree?" the wagon leader asks.
"Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie," says the old man.
The leader returns to his people and tells them that they might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge. "Then why did the old man say not to go there?" some of the pioneers ask.
"Oh, you know that Jewish people don't eat bacon," the leader explains.
So, the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre more...
This Poor Innocent Guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30-minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the more...