Train Jokes / Recent Jokes

Lady: is this my train? Station master: no, it belongs to the railway company. Lady: don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if i can take this train to kuala lumpur. Station master: no madam, i'm afraid it's too heavy.

Two swedes were sitting on a train when it entered a tunnel. They were sitting there in the darkness when suddenly one said, "Oh, how long this tunnel is." His friend then said, "Ah, that`s just because we`re on the last car of the train."

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married.""Why not," giggles the woman."Good," he replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbileans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.""Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi."I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I mightbe made an ArchBishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously."Is there any way that you might go higher than that?""If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal""Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I supose that I could beelected Pope, but..."So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?, is there any way to go up from being the Pope?""What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of our boys made it."

A Nihang decided to stop an express train at a non-stop station. He stood in the middle of the railtrack brandishing his kirpan and spear and yelling defiance at the oncoming train. A crowd watched the confrontation with bated breath.
When the engine driver noticed the Nihang on the track and realised he would not be able to stop the train in time; he blew his whistle as frantically as he could. Just as the engine was almost upon him, the Nihang jumped aside and let the train pass.
'What happened, Nihangji?' asked the onlookers.' Did you take fright?'
'Never!' replied the Nihang with bravado.' You see how I made it scream [cheekaan kaddh dittiyan!). A Nihang never kills anyone who cries for mercy.'

A few days after Christmas a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with is new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said "All of you sons of bitches who want off get the hell off now' cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on get your asses in the train' cause we are leaving."
The mother went in and told her son "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS! When you come out you may play with your train but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later the son comes out of the bedroom, and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say "All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride more...

there was a little boy playing with his train set in the living room and his mother was in the kitchen so the little boy was in there playing and he said "all of you that are getting off the train get yall asses off and those of you who are getting on hurry up and get yall asses on"
so his mother said "young man we do not speak like that in this house so you go to your room for two hours and think about what you have said"
so he did and in two hours he came back down and played with his train set and said "those of you who are departing have a nice day and those of you who are getting on come on and those of you who are complaining about the two hour delay talk to the bitch in the kitchen!"