Train Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train??
A: A teacher says "spit out that gum" and a train says "choo choo choo!"
The Hypnotized Fly From New Delhi to Bombay came a very dirty train. The train had many animals in the corredors, and many people eating and making more garbage. In one cabin, there were a Chinese man and a Jewish man sitting one in front of the other. Suddenly a fly alit on the Chinese man`s head, and using his kung fu, he hypnotized the fly only with his eyes. Then he took the fly, opened his mouth, looked at the Jewish man, and ate it. Five minutes later came another fly, and the Chinese guy did the same thing. The next fly landed, this time on the Jewish`s mans head. He did the same thing; with his eyes he hypnotized the fly, took it, opened his mouth, looked at the Chinese guy, and asked, "Do you want to buy it?"
A man and a woman, who have never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.At 1:00 a.m., he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, Maam, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.I have a better idea, she replied. Just for tonight, lets pretend that were married.Wow! That's a great idea! he exclaimedGood, she replied. Get your own damn blanket! After a moment of silence, he farted.
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket." How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a more...
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On our desk we have work stations. GO FIGURE!
If Fedex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Do you think that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
People seem to read the Bible whole lot more as they get older, could it be they are cramming for their finals.
Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who is used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.
What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.
Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can more...
INTELLIGENCE IS A BYPRODUCT OF EVOLUTION Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft employee.
"Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple engineer.
They all board the train. The Microsoft employees take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Microsoft employees saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the Microsoft more...