Trial Jokes / Recent Jokes

A WRITER famous for the economy of his words was expecting his tailor and his lawyer, but had to leave before their arrival. When the author returned, he saw that they had left a note: Suit is ready, trial tomorrow.

I did not kill my pretty wife
I did not slash her with a knife
I did not bonk her on the head
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night
I took a cab, then took a flight
The bag I had was just for me
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be!
When I came home I had a gash
My hand was cut from broken glass
I cut my hand on broken glass
A broken glass did cause that gash.
My friend, he took me for a ride
All through LA, from side to side
From north to south, we took a ride
But from the cops we could not hide.
My trial it lasted for a year
A year! A year! Just sitting here
The DNA, the HEM- the HAW!
The circus-hype the viewers saw!
If found guilty, I will appeal
Appeal! Appeal! I will appeal!
I'll wheedle and whine- I'll cut a deal!
To hear "not guilty" so glad I'll feel!
Did you do this awful crime?
Did you do this anytime?
I did not do this awful more...

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife whenhe found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shother instead of her lover, he replied,"Ah, msieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than adifferent man every week?"

Trial Of The Century Transcript Reveals Objectionable Methods By Dave Barry, Sunday, March 19, 1995 TRANSCRIPT, TRIAL OF THE CENTURY, DAY 257BAILIFF: Hear ye, hear ye, the court is now in sess...DEFENSE: Objection, your honor.JUDGE: To what? DEFENSE: Nothing, your honor. We're just warming up.PROSECUTION: Your honor, the people would like to state that we also have no objections at this time.DEFENSE: Objection, your honor. Every time the defense says some- thing, the prosecution always feels it has to say something.PROSECUTION: The people do not.DEFENSE: Do too.PROSECUTION: Do not.DEFENSE: Do too.DEFENDANT: OK, stop, I confess! I'm guilty! JUDGE (sternly): Order in the court! (To prosecution): Proceed.PROSECUTION: Where were we? JUDGE (checking his notes): You were on "Do not."PROSECUTION: Oh, right, thanks. Do not.DEFENSE: Your honor, the prosecution is clearly jealous of the defense because we have a lot of marquee legal talent such as F. Lee Bailey and the late Raymond more...

A plaintiff lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client who had attended the trial was out of town when the jury came back with its decision. Verdict for Plaintiff! The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading, and? Justice has triumphed! ” The client immediately wired back, “Appeal at once! ”

You might be a Redneck if you think the OJ Trial is a taste test between Sunkist and Minutemaid.

Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, "You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers."
The man thought for a moment. "What are peers?" he asked.
"They`re people just like you “ your equals."
"Forget it," retorted the defendant. "I don`t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves."