Trial Jokes / Recent Jokes

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers. The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. And the trial went very quickly -- after only an hour of testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested. The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate. After nearly six hours, the trial court was concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict. The case had in fact turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if more...

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot her instead of her lover, he replied, "Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a different man every week?"

The judge asked a defendant, "Do you want a bench trial, or a jury trial?"

"I'd like a jury trial," the defendant answered.

"Do you know what the difference is?" asked the judge.

"Yes," replied the defendant. "A jury trial is where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."

A criminal trial is proceeding against a man accused of robbing a elderly woman of her purse. The woman, the only witness to the crime, takes the stand and identifies the man as the robber. "Yes," she says, "That is most certainly him. I'd remember his face anywhere."

The defendant, unable to restrain himself, jumps to his feet. "Your honor, this woman is a liar! There is no way she saw my face. I was wearing a mask!"

A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk driving case. The defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial.
Since it was nearing 4pm and getting a jury would take time, the judge called a recess and went out in the hall to look for anyone who might be available for jury duty. He found a dozen attorneys in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.
They thought this would be quite a novel experience, so they followed the judge back to the courtroom. In no more than ten minutes, the trial was over and it was very apparent that the defendant was guilty.
The jury went into the jury room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was out of patience, so he sent the baliff into the jury room to find out what was holding up the verdict.
When the baliff returned a few minutes later, the judge asked, "Well, have they reached a verdict more...

Extracted from US news papers:
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In Detroit, the lawyer for accused murderer Rondelle Woods, 23, delivered part of his closing
argument to the jury in rap:' Went to a party, sweet 16, decided to stay on the scene.' Woods was
acquitted. But in Las Vegas in December, Eric Clark, 22, pleaded with the judge, in rap for a light
sentence:' I'm sellin' dope, and I as gettin' paid too blind to see how I was gettin' played.' He
got 23 years. - Universal Press Syndicate
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A Tokyo company, Juonsha, recently began offering a mail-order curse kit, featuring a straw doll to
represent the hexee, along with eight accessories, including nails, a curse manual, and a
curse-blocking doll to ward off return curses. The company at first marketed to boys and girls
bullied at school, but discovered the major market is women who hope to put spells on neighbors,
in-laws and more...