Trial Jokes / Recent Jokes

After years of assisting more senior attorneys at trial, a young lawyer was finally allowed to try a case on her own. Determined not to lose, she prepared furiously.
The trial went on for eight exhausting days. Finally, the case went to the jury, which quickly returned with a verdict in favor of her client.
Ecstatic, the attorney phoned the firm's managing partner, and the moment he was on the line announced, "It's me! The jury just came back, and justice has prevailed!"
The managing partner gasped, stammering, "Appeal at once."

If you were on trial for being a Christian--- would there be enough evidence to convict you?

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the forest. After a while they realized that they were lost. And before they knew it they were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told them that the only way they could survive from the cannibals was to pass the trial. The frist step of the trial was to go into the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So they thought that was easy enough, and all three friends went their separate ways to gather fruits.
Chris came back first and said to the king. " I brought ten apples."
The king then explained the next part of the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you will be eaten. The first apple went in... but on the second one he screamed out with pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.
Then John arrived and shows the king his ten fruits which were berries. When the king more...

After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the blonde accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
The blonde looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."

A woman, on trial for poisoning her husband, was being questioned by the defense attorney.
"You have testified that, after you put the poison in the coffee, you sat and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, wasn't there a time when you felt the slightest bit of pity for him?" the attorney prompted.
"Yes," she replied, "There was a brief moment when I did feel sorry for him."
"And when was that?" asked the attorney.
"Right when he asked for his second cup!" she said.

A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a charge of bestiality. "I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer," he continued, "who's not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really knows how to pick a jury."

The farmer settled on the cheap attorney, but immediately had second thoughts when the key witness, a neighbor, began his testimony. "I saw Jud mount his goat from behind," he said, "and when he was finished, I saw the goat turn around and lick Jud's pecker."

The accused farmer was devastated and had all but given up hope of acquittal when a juror in overalls whispered to the fellow next to him, "You know, a good goat will do that."

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defenses closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!" He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But more...