Trial Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: If called to testify in a trial how long will it before before Clinton commits perjury? A: When hes sworn in.

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were thencaptured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisonersthat they could live if they pass the trial. First step of thetrial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten piecesof the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways togather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought tenapples." The king then explains the trial to him. You have to shovethe fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'llbe eaten. The first apple went in... but on the second one he wincedout in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven. The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself thatthis should be easy. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... on theninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one more...

When called to serve for jury duty, Mrs. Howard asked to be excused since she did not believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. However, the public defender appreciated her thoughtfulness and attempted to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained. "This is not a murder trial. It is a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $15,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"All right then, I'll serve," Mrs. Howard replied. "I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife whenhe found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shother instead of her lover, he replied,"Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than adifferent man every week?"

Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, "You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers." The man thought for a moment. "What are peers?" he asked. "They're people just like you your equals." "Forget it," retorted the defendant. "I don't want to be tried by a bunch of thieves."

1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
7. A prison guard is shaving your head.
8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
10. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
11. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said..."
12. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
14. Just before he says "Your Honor," more...

In a murder trial, thedefense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.