Trips Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this guy. He often went away on trips, far from home, Long trips. While this man was away on his trips, his wife would get very very dissatisfied. Thus, she cheated on him, but when he came back, she felt guilty, so she always told him. Well, after a while, the man got very frustrated with his wife's adultry, so he went to an adult toy shop. He looked around, but saw nothing special.
The man knew he needed something special, so he decided to tell the salesclerk. "I need something really amazing for my wife. All I see here are normal toys."
"Well, there is the voodoo dick, but I don't want to sell you THAT." replied the clerk.
"Let me see it anyway!" Answered the man.
The salesclerk took him into a room and pulled out a box. He opened the box, and inside was something that looked like a normal toy.
"That's not special!" cried the man.
"Ah, but look. Voodoo dick, THE DOOR." The dick in the box got more...

Your momma so fat...
When she hauls butt she has to make two trips.
When she dances she makes the band skip.
When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave your momma 13 years to live.
She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Her butt has its own congressman.
Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw your momma peanuts.
Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
"Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of your momma's butt cheeks.
All the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Your Momma"
When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
When she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
She's more...

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"No, no, no. It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. For example: you listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."

"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver."

Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees traveling on company business.
TRANSPORTATION
Hitch-hiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips. Should hitch-hiking prove fruitless, bus travel may be utilized if absolutely necessary. Airline tickets will be authorized for purchase only under extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Sacramento but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Denver, then travel to Denver will be substituted for travel to Sacramento.
Car rental fees are going up all the time, and are to be avoided. As a substitute for these charges, we recommend car-sharing. Simply turn your issued safety vest inside out, and you will notice that it now says "VALET PARKING ATTENDANT" over the left breast pocket. more...