Troops Jokes / Recent Jokes

A war broke out between two neighboring countries - a small island and its northern neighbor. The southern, predominantly Chinese soldiers decided to pull a trick on its northern enemy. The southern troops called out "Eh, Mat! Mat!", and suddenly the northern troops began standing up and asking "Siapa panggil aku?" (who's calling me?). The southerners immediately opened fire, killing a great number of these mats. Furious, the remaining Mat soldiers decided to pull the same trick on their enemies... "Oi, Lee! Lee!", they shouted, and the Lee Soldiers started shouting back, "Kong simi?" (What are you talking about?). The mat soldiers immediately stood up and replied, "Aku lah!" (Me, lah!), getting their heads shot off soon after.

There is a lot of talk about the United Nations creating a combined strike force with troops from several nations included in it.
Could it work? Let's take a look at one operation.
A combined force beach landing on a tropical island. When the troops hit the beach.
The Royal Marines go fishing.
The US Marines wait for CNN to arrive.
The French don't care whose beach it is; it's French territory now!
The Canadians watch the Americans very closely, then offer to guard their landing strip.
The Dutch have a beach party and smoke some dope saying the English don't understand them.
The Italians go sunbathing.
The Germans land and build a car factory.
The West Indians go looking for the Dutch.
The Austrians just watch the Russians and Germans.
The Chinese win the natives hearts and minds then kill them.
The SEALs arrive after dark and kill anyone who is not a SEAL.
The Aussies and Kiwis land then start fighting each other over a more...

Great news for Americans hoping to get U.S. troops in their Christmas stockings this season. In a holiday radio message to US soldiers serving in Iraq, President Bush says he remains committed to the war and is considering raising troop levels. Merry Christmas troops!! The President delivered his message while sitting next to a roaring fireplace while troops in Iraq listened to the message while sitting next to a roaring fire that was their armoured vehicle.

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certfiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.

The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my more...

The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. "Colonel!" he spat out. "Yes, general!" the colonel quavered. "Your troops, your troops," stormed the general. "They look very nice, they stand very nice, but they stink, man, they stink! Can't you get them to change their underwear?" He strode away furiously. The colonel sniffed for himself. "The general, yes, he's right. Now, Luigi change with Guiseppi, Carlo change with Giovanni..."

During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. "You there," the sergeant shouts, "the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!" The recruit takes two steps to one side.
"What are you doing, man?" Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. "I`m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant," answers the recruit calmly.

During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across
the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing
along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The
commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run
up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of the
advancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general
stops the troops and waits to see what happens.
Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to
investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be
seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find
out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune,
too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entire
division to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune.
But just then, the first more...