Trouble Jokes / Recent Jokes

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Jim?"

Jim shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."

Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought that might be a good idea. That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition. His wife heard more...

'Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?' 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

'What sort of trouble?' 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

'Went away?' 'They disappeared.'

'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?' 'Nothing.'

'Nothing?' 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?' 'How do I tell?'

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?' 'What's a sea-prompt?'

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] 'Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?' 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug?]

'Does your monitor have a power indicator?' 'What's a more...

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny. So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants." said the Little Johnny.

If you get in my way, I'll kill you! - ideal project manager
If you get in my way, you'll kill me! - somewhat less than ideal project manager
If I get in my way, I'll kill you! - somewhat misguided project manager
If I get in your way, I'll kill you! - A tough project manager (eats glass, live cats, etc.)
If get kill in will way I you. - dyslexic, functionally illiterate project manager
I am the way! Kill me if you can! - messianic project manager
Get away, I'll kill us all! - suicidal project manager
If you kill me, I'll get in your way. - thoughtful but ineffective project manager
If I kill you I'll get in your way. - project manager who has trouble dealing with the obvious
If a you getta ina my way, I gonna breaka you arm. - project manager from New York
I am quite confident that there is nothing in the way, so no one will get killed. - project manager who is about to get in big trouble
If you kill me, so what? If you get in my way, who more...

An Antartian named Babbette finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Babbette again prays..."God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and Babbette still has no luck.
Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open a

If you get in my way, I'll kill you!
- ideal project manager
If you get in my way, you'll kill me!
- somewhat less than ideal project manager
If I get in my way, I'll kill you!
- somewhat misguided project manager
If I get in your way, I'll kill you!
- A tough m. f. project manager
(eats glass, live cats, etc.)
If get kill in will way I you.
-dyslexic, functionally illiterate project manager
I am the way! Kill me if you can!
-messianic project manager
Get away, I'll kill us all!
-suicidal project manager
If you kill me, I'll get in your way.
-thoughtful but ineffective project manager
If I kill you I'll get in your way.
-project manager who has trouble dealing with the obvious
If a you getta ina my way, I gonna breaka you arm.
-project manager from New York
I am quite confident that there is nothing in the way,
so no one will get killed.
-project manager who is about to get in big more...