Truck Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day in Soweto a delivery truck pulls up outside the Mandela house. The driver gets out and unloads al pile of boxes on to the front lawn. At this point Winnie Mandela arrives back from shopping and accosts the driver: "What are you doing? What is all this stuff on my garden!"
"Look lady," says the driver "see this paper it say 150 car batteries for Nelson Mandela."
And with that he jumps in his truck and drives off.
The next day The truck again pulls up outside the Mandela house and the driver starts to unload. This time Winnie runs out shouting: "What are you doing now?"
"Lokk lady, It says here 200 brake shoes for Nelson Mandela"
"But what does my Nelson want with 200 Brake shoes and 150 batteries, take them away!" shouts Winnie
"No lady I have to leave them or I get the sack", says the driver who has now finished throwing boxes on to the grass, and drives off.
The following day the more...

SMARTASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

SMARTASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your
stub."

SMARTASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she
couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMARTASS ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled more...

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices
a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog
and cat.The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice
fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration."Thanks," the girl says.The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the
wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner" the
fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but
if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster."The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a
siren."

A huge truck driver is sitting at a bar having a drink when this little pipsqueak of a guy walks in and asks who owns the pit bull outside.
The truck driver hollers "It's MY dog! What's it to you!"
The little runt says, "Nothing, but I think my dog just killed yours..."
The truck driver jumps up and says "WHAT! What kind of dog do you have anyway?"
The other guy replies "A toy poodle."
"A poodle!" the truck driver yells. "How in the hell can a poodle kill a pit bull?!"
"Well," replied the little guy, "I think he choked on it."

THE IRS LETTER... Dear Sirs: I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1996 Federal Tax return. Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years. They are evil and expensive. It's only fair, since they are minors and not my responsbility, that the government (who evidently is taxing me more to care for these waifs) knows something about them and what to expect over the next year. You may apply next year to reassign them to me and reinstate the deduction. This year they are yours! The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brillant. Ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office where she can answer people's questions about their returns. While she has no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper her knowledge of any other subject you can name. Taxes should be a breeze. Next year she is going to college. I think it's wonderful that you will now be responsible for that little expense. While you more...

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver’s side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. “I can not believe how materialistic you lawyers are, ” the cop said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else. ” “How can you say such a thing? ” asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, “Don”t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit more...

There was a little boy and a little girl that would go every day behind
a bush after school, strip thier clothes and debate which one was better.
One day the little girl went home and asked her mom what the difference
between a boy and a girl was. The mother having a very sick mind
told her daughter that she had a garage and boy's have a fire truck.
she then said that you don't want boy's to put their fire truck
into your garage.
Well that very same day the boy aked his father
the same question. The father having a sick mind told his son that
he had a fire truck and girls have a garage. he told his son that
he should try to put his fire truck into thier garage as many times
as he could.
The next day after school they debated again. The girl went home and she went
inside. When her maother saw her she had blood all over her hands. Her mother
screamed and asked her what had happened and the little girl said that the more...