Truck Jokes / Recent Jokes

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops in a bar for a beer.
As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says, "You smell kind of nerdy, and just what do you do for a living?"
The truck driver says, "I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."
The bartender says, "OK, truck drivers are not nerds," and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long.
The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.
The truck driver asks, "Why did you do that?"
The bartender said, "Oh, don't worry, the nerds are over-populating the Silicon Valley, and are in more...

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in thebull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling — what should I do?'' "In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush.""So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"

A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck and she wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip through traffic around town.He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!"He did just that.For her birthday he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck.
She wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up. so surprise me!"
He did just that, so for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.
He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."
He says "That doesn't matter."
So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.
A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.
So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.
The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.
The officer asks him what he is doing? He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"

There were these two Engineers who decided they would go moose hunting in the backwoods of British Columbia. As it happened, they lucked out and got a moose. Unfortunately, they were about a mile from their truck. They were having a tough time dragging the animal by the hind legs when a Wildlife Biologist happened upon them. He said, "You know, the hair follicles on a moose have a grain to them that causes the hair to lie toward the back. The way you are dragging that moose, it increases your coefficient of friction by a huge margin. If you grab it by the antlers and pull, you will find the work required to be quite minimal." The Engineers thanked him and started dragging the moose by the antlers. After about an hour, one Engineer said, "I can't believe how easy it is to move this moose this way. I sure am glad we ran across that Biologist." "Yeah.", said the other. "But we' re getting further and further away from our truck."