Truck Jokes / Recent Jokes
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee, & a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers pulled up. They came in, and one grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger out of his hand and took a huge bite from it. The second biker drank the trucker's coffee, & the third biker wolfed down the apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word, just paid the cashier & left. When he was gone, the bikers snickered & congratulated each other for being such bad asses. As the cashier walked up, a biker growled, "He ain't much of a man is he?" "He's not much of a driver neither," replied the cashier. "He just backed his 18 wheeler over three motorcycles."
One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, was really friendly.
So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call,' The Law of the Garbage Truck'
He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life." more...
A fire fighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung on the side. The boy was wearing a firefighter's helmet and had the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.
The firefighter said, "Hey little partner, what are you doing?"
The little boy said, "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck."
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration.
"Thanks mister" the boy said.
The firefighter looked a little closer and noticed that the boy had tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
"You're probably right, more...
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" the cop asked.
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" the golfer asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. (As he'd had a bad time in divorce court recently, and blamed the lawyers.) Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
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"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road!", replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck".
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, more...
Cops in Richland, Washington responded to a hijacked truck and recovered it in record time. The truck was filled with different kinds of donuts, according to the driver. Very jittery and hyper cops disagreed. They said they only found empty coffee cups. They couldn't comment further because they had to answer a call from a liquor store break-in and they expect a lot of liquor to be missing.
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. Not knowing quite what to do, he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry's Ape Removal.
So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade, a pick-up truck, a pair of handcuffs, a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun.
Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help:
"Now, I'm going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground, this daog is trained to rush up and bite his balls off. This will temporarily immobilize the gorilla allowing you to safely walk up and place the handcuffs on him. I'll then get him into the truck while he's still in a daze".
Harry then begins to climb the tree and the man asks, "Hey what's the shotgun more...