True Story Jokes / Recent Jokes

Still, there are some things a big company can do that a small band of
programmers could never hope to accomplish. This was best shown to me
this week by reader Brian P. McLean, who points out that according to his
Microsoft Outlook 97 scheduling/datebook application, Thanksgiving falls
this year on Wednesday, November 26.
Thanksgiving has always fallen on Thursday before. Wednesday may be an
improvement. I don't know.
- Robert X. Cringely, from his "I, Cringely" column (November 7, 1997)

The Roslin lab in Scotland is scheduled for a government budget cut.
"But that won't have much effect," says Michael X. Ferraro. "Once
you've cloned sheep, it's not that difficult to counterfeit money."

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, N. J., in
September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2a.m., the
bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window
was closed.

And in October, William B. Singleton, 24, just released from jail in
Belton, Mo., on a larceny charge, allegedly broke into a vending machine
in the lobby of the police station and stole a 60-cent Strawberry
Twisteroo while he waited for his ride to arrive.

General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Airbags
Detroit-
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market
down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win
airbag contest Monday.
The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed
impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in
all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president
of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997
sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag
Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super
Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag
promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback
overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car more...

Miami, FL motorist Alvin Sims didn't notice that his truck had
smacked into a utility pole and his passenger was dead until the
police stopped his car.
Donna Richardson, 29, was hanging her head out of the window of her
boy friends 1993 Chevrolet truck early Saturday - she was vomiting -
when the truck suddenly veered. Her head slammed a pole and she died
instantly, police said Monday. Sims, 36. kept driving.
Metro-Dade police said when an officer stopped the truck several
miles later - its right mirror and antenna were damaged. Sims told
police that he was looking for a hospital because his passenger was
sick.
"Apparently, he thought he hit a puddle and did not see that he had
killed her."

Earlier this year, the dazed crew of a Japanese Trawler was plucked out
of the Sea of Japan clinging to the wreckage of their sunken ship.
Their rescue, however, was followed by immediate imprisonment once
authorities questioned the sailors on their ship's loss. To a man they
claimed that a cow, falling out of a clear blue sky, had struck the
trawler amidships, shattering it's hull and sinking the vessel within
minutes.
They remained in prison for several weeks, until the Russian Air Force
reluctantly informed Japanese authorities that the crew of one of its
cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow wandering at the edge of a
Siberian airfield, forced the cow into the plane's hold and hastily taken
off for home.
Unprepared for live cargo, the Russian crew was ill-equipped to manage a
now rampaging cow within its hold. To save the aircraft and themselves,
they shoved the animal out of the cargo hold as they crossed the Sea more...