Tuesday Jokes / Recent Jokes

A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on its way the guy driving the bus says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie, of course, says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the Lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," said the bus driver "you could tell her you were GOD and command her to have sex with you."
Well the hippie decides to try this out. So that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. And right on schedule the the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of GOD. more...

One night in the bar, the owner is lamenting the fact that business is so quiet on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
As he moans to some of the regulars a stranger, dressed in a tweed jacket and wearing glasses wanders over and says, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. I'm a doctor at the lunatic asylum up the road and I'm trying to integrate some of the more sane individuals into the community. Why don't I bring some of my patients along, say next Tuesday. You'll have some customers and my patients will have a night out."
Well, the publican isn't sure but the thought of more paying customers on a quiet night appeals, so he agrees.
So, the following Tuesday the guy in the tweed jacket and glasses shows up with about ten lunatics.
He says to the publican, "They might try to pay for their drinks in unusual ways, please just accept whatever they give you, put it all on a tab and I'll settle up at closing time."
The barman more...