Umpire Jokes / Recent Jokes
The ball had hit the batsman on the arm and yet he was still given out. As he passed the umpire, he asked,' How was I out?'
'Why don't you look in the paper tomorrow?' replied the umpire, smugly.
'Why don't you look?' said the batsman.' I'm the editor!'
The bowler sent down a good ball which caught the batsman on the pads.
'Owwzat!' shouted the bowler
'Out; said the umpire, raising his finger.
'I'll have you know, my good man,' said the noble batsman' that I am Sir Roland Smythe- Montmorency.'
'In that case,' said the umpire' I'm afraid you're both out'.
The bowler was up against a stonewaller who never moved his bat. Every ball either hit the bat or passed harmlessly by, no stroke being offered.
The bowler turned to the umpire.' Is he out if he doesn't move his bat?'
'No,' said the umpire.' But he will be if he does!'
One of England's fastest bowlers was taking a quiet stroll in a little village when he came upon a game of cricket. This being in the age before TV, cricketers were not always recognised by face.
The visiting team was one player short and invited the great man not knowing who he was. The home team was batting first. Soon it became evident that the umpires were more than slightly in favour of the batsmen, when several appeals for catches behing the wicket and leg-before were turned down.
The visiting captain, in desperation, and having used all his bowlers turned to our friend. The Test cricketer, Harold Larwood, marked out a short run-up and came in and bowled his first delivery. The batsman was plumb in front and was about to move.
"Howzzaat!" cried the visitors. But the umpire just shook his head in denial.
Lol, a little miffed, came in again, and there was a loud noise to be heard as the batsman nicked to the keeper. But, once more...
The sarcastic bowler was disgusted by several of the umpire's decisions.
'Have you got a minute?' he asked.
'Yes,' said the umpire.
'Well, tell me all you know about cricket.'
The exasperated bowler turned to the umpire' What would happen if I called you a stupid old fool! who couldn't make a good decision to save his life'
'You would be fined and suspended'
'And if I only thought it?'
'Nothing could be done.'
'Well, we'll leave it like that, shall we'