Understand Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man will pay $2 for an item that costs $1 if he wants it. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale.
A woman worries about he future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and don't expect to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man can forget his past mistakes: there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same things.
A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a more...

Joe: I got a problem.
Ed: What's the matter?
Joe: Women. I just don't understand them.
Ed: Do you understand your TV?
Joe: No.
Ed: So what's the problem?

A man will pay $2 for an item that costs $1 if he wants it. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale.A woman worries about he future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man.To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and don't expect to understand her at all.Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.Any married man can forget his past mistakes: there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same things.A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change, and she does.A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A male pastor walked into a neighbourhood pub to use the toilet. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the toilet?"

The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."

"Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use the toilet!"

"Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there -- and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"

"Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!"

So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs, and he proceeded to the toilet. After a few minutes, he came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again! He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. When I came in here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. more...

Gerrad, a friend of mine, bought a computer, even though he had never even used a typewriter before. After investigating the computer, he decided to call the help line. A friendly voice explained step by step how his new machine worked. All went well until the voice told him to press the space bar. After studying the keyboard, Gerrad said; “I’ve got the latest model and it doesn’t have a space bar. ” But after further explanation, he managed to find it.
A week later, Gerrad again had problems and called the help line. An instructor was then sent to his house for training. But after a few minutes, Gerrad’s head was spinning. “You don’t need to go any further, ” he sighed, I don’t understand a thing. ”
To cheer him up, the instructor said: “Hey, there are people who understand a lot less than you. Last week we had someone on the phone who didn’t even know where the space bar was! ”

Working at a theater box-office ticket window poses many challenges in dealing with people.
When a disgruntled customer at a window exclaimed, "No Tickets?" What do you mean NO TICKETS?"
The women waiting on him smiled sweeting. "I'm terribly sorry, sir," she replied. "Which word didn't you understand?"

What Am I Doing?
The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked, "Do you understand what I am doing?"
"Yes," the patient answered.
"You're checking for dermatological abrasions.
"Correct," the doctor lied.
Next, he fondled her breasts long and lovingly.
Again, he inquired, "Do you understand what I am doing?"
"You're feeling for cancerous lumps," she ventured.
"Very astute," the doctor complimented, getting more excited. He placed the woman's feet in stirrups, dropped his pants, and slipped his member inside her.
"And do you understand what I am doing now?"
"All too well," the patient shot back. "You're contracting herpes!"