Universal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Universal truth: Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

Universal truth: At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

The Universal Excuse Form is designed to get you out of the trouble that you may have encountered. Whenever there's a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. You'll be surprised how effective this form can be!
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Dear
a) Mom
b) Dad
c) love of my life
d) Assistant Principal
e) Local Police Chief,
f) Near & dear friend
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your
a) Car
b) House
c) Pet
d) Espresso maker
e) Left arm
f) Snow Mobile
was severely damaged by my
a) infantile
b) puerile
c) inept
d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic
e) woefully under appreciated prank.
How could I have known that the
a) car
b) jet ski
c) large helium balloon
d) rodent driven sledge
e) Zamboni
f) Ski Doo
I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should more...

Universal truth: There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

Analysis:1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig.2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant).3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem.Number theory:1. First factorize, second multiply.2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in.Algebra:1. Step 1. Show that the parts of it can be put into the refrig. Step 2. Show that the refrig. is closed under the addition.2. Take the appropriate universal refrigerator and get a surjection from refrigerator to elephant.Topology:1. Have it swallow the refrig. and turn inside out.2. Make a refrig. with the Klein bottle.3. The elephant is homeomorphic to a smaller elephant.4. The elephant is compact, so it can be put into a finite collection of refrigerators. That's usually good enough.5. The property of being inside the referigerator is hereditary. So, take the elephant's mother, cremate it, and show that the ashes fit inside the refrigerator.6. For those who object to method 3 because it's more...