Unknown Jokes / Recent Jokes

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"

Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people-many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also breaking the law. To these brave men and women-ooops, "women and men"-we
present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame."
Following are their accounts...
Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the more...

A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant." -- Unknown
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -- Ann Landers
"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke Bruce
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -- Ben Williams
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." -- Edward Abbey
"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." -- Unknown

Real bathroom graffiti found all over the place. Wheefun. The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina. I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
Unknown origin. To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona. At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona. It's more...