Unless Jokes / Recent Jokes

It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault", while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault".You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.It is illegal to gargle in public places. It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.

Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Unemployment helps stretch your coffee break.
Unless absolutely essential, borrowing to buy a depreciating asset is dumb.
Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.
Urgency varies inversely with importance.
Usefulness is inversely proportional to its reputation for being useful.
Virtue is its own punishment.
Wasting time is an important part of living.

Unless absolutely essential, borrowing to buy a depreciating asset is dumb.

Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.It's illegal to take a lion to the movies. Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits. It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color. No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car. Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes. Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
It is illegal to frighten a pigeon. Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden. There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the more...

Reasons Women Should Not Have Freedom of Speech...1. She doesn't need to talk to get me a beer.2. If she's in the kitchen like she should be, no one can hear her anyway.3. If she can talk, all she'll do is complain.4. Because she won't say "I will" instead of "I do."5. No man wants to hear "first down" during a basketball game.6. Because PMS is no excuse for whining.7. No man needs or wants to hear the word "period" unless it has to do with hockey.8. Women created tampon and yeast infection commercials during football.9. Affirmative action.10. When men whistle at them in the street, they should just shut up and obey.11. If my dick's in her mouth, she can't talk anyway.12. Oprah.13. Feminists.14. Because that stupid look on her face should not be accompanied by an equally stupid statement.15. The 2nd and 19th amendments.16. I don't want to be made to lie and say "I love you" after sex.17. Highway fatalities would decrease by over more...

1) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.

2) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

3) Nothing is too tight for Madhuri.

4) The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.

5) Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.

6) Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect skin and teeth.

7) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the chick.

8) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a line.

9) If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you more...

1) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
2) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
3) Nothing is too tight for Madhuri.
4) The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
5) Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.
6) Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect skin and teeth.
7) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the chick.
8) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a line.
9) If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you bump into will know all the steps, and will be more...