Upgrade Jokes / Recent Jokes

For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me

See if they can do it again.

For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me

Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the third bug of Christmas, my manager said to me

Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the fourth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me

Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the fifth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me

Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the sixth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me

Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did more...

Solitaire '99Here is the README.TXT file from Microsoft's latest software product. Microsoft Solitaire '98README file, v4.3Welcome! Congratulations! Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire '98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as "long filenames!" For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.* Solitaire '98 brings this dream to a blissful reality. System Requirements:- 266 MHz Pentium II or better- 800 megabytes of free hard drive space (2.1 gigabytes recommended)- 128 megabytes of RAM (256 megabytes more...

Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95.Isaac is incredulous. 'Pop,' he says, 'you can't run Windows 95 on yourold, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with aminimum of 16 megs of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95.'But Abraham, the man of faith, gazed calmly at his son and replied, 'Godwill provide the RAM, my son'.

Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been
able to access their command pathways?"
Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by
searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing
technology."
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send
this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command
pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate."
Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't
they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it
creates a new version of itself more...

If Microsoft Ran The IRS "Government should be run like a business." We've all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody's favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise). -- The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the following May. -- Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements. -- In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country's intellectual property. -- When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices. -- When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then to 1040, more...

For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.

For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the third bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the fourth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the fifth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the sixth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it more...

If Microsoft Ran The IRS

"Government should be run like a business." We`ve all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody`s favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise).

-- The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft`s example and actually ship them the following May.

-- Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users` group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements.

-- In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country`s intellectual property.

-- When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices.

-- more...