Upset Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
We need... = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want... = You�ll pay for this later.
We need to talk... = I need to complain.
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains =. .. and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in more...

There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this' unusual' handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears. Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business.

So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But, he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.

The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was' Do you notice anything unusual about me?' The guy said,' Now that you mention it, you have no ears.' The man got really upset and threw the guy more...

An old mountain man in Arkansas was sick and bedridden. He had not been outdoors for a few weeks and had a sharp craving for a meal of wild squirrel. He summoned his half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to go squirrel hunting and bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told his son to be very careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he would need its brains later to "tan" the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a skin using the animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas, it generally takes about one brain to tan one skin). The idiot son spent most of the day searching the woods for tree squirrels, but was not having any luck. Finally, high up in a sweet-gum tree, he spotted a squirrel's head sticking out from a hole. He remembered his Pa's admonitions to save the brains. After deciding he may not have another chance, he shot it in the head, thus ruining the brains. r His sick Pa was upset, "I can't tan that skin without no brains!" he said, more...

A man who was very upset walked in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!" he wailed. "What seems to be the trouble?" asked the doctor. "I keep having the same dream, night after night. There's this door with a sign on it, and I push and push the door but I can't get it open." "What does the sign say?" asked the Doctor. "Pull," said the patient.

A man who was very upset walked in to see his doctor. "Doctor, youve got to help me!" he wailed. "What seems to be the trouble?" asked the doctor. "I keep having the same dream, night after night. Theres this door with a sign on it, and I push and push the door but I cant get it open." "What does the sign say?" asked the Doctor. "Pull," said the patient.

We need REALLY MEANS I want

You want REALLY MEANS You need

It's your decision REALLY MEANS The correct decision should be obvious by now.

We need to talk REALLY MEANS I need to complain

Do what you want REALLY MEANS You'll pay for this later.

You're. .. so manly REALLY MEANS You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

Sure... go ahead REALLY MEANS I don't want you to.

I'm not upset REALLY MEANS Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're certainly attentive tonight. REALLY MEANS Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! REALLY MEANS I'm on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights. REALLY MEANS I'm Embarrassed

This kitchen is so inconvenient REALLY MEANS I want a new house.

You have to learn to communicate. REALLY MEANS Just agree with me.

Yes REALLY MEANS No

No REALLY MEANS No

Maybe REALLY MEANS more...

I found this in the salon where I get my hair cut. The owner says she
feels these rules are correctly stated.
THE RULES*
For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in
effect in every relationship.
The female always makes the rules.
These rules are subject to change at any time without prior
notification.
No male can possibly know all the rules.
If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must
immediately change some or all of the rules.
The female is never wrong.
If the female is wrong it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding
which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
If rule number six applies, the male must immediately apologize for
causing the misunderstanding.
The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
The male must never change his mind without express written consent of
the female.
The female has every right to be more...