Usher Jokes / Recent Jokes
Theater Guest A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?""Sam," the man moaned."Where ya from, Sam?"With pain in his voice Sam replied "... the balcony."
At the movie theater there was a man laying across two seats. The usher comes down and says "Excuse me sir but you can only use one seat, I'm going to have to ask you to move."
The man just grunts.
The usher says again "Sir, if you don't move I will have to call the manager."
Again the man just grunts.
So the usher goes to get the manager. the manager says "Sir, if you don't move I will have to call the police, so I suggest you move".
But once again the man only grunts.
So the manager calls the police. The police come and say to the man "OK, what's your name?"
The man replies "Joe" Then the police officer says "And Joe, where did you come from?"
The man painfully answers, "the balcony"
Banta lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to Banta, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
Banta groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient. "Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, Banta just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over Banta. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly. "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Banta," he moaned. "Where are you from, Banta?" the cop asked. "The balcony."
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began. "You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. "I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued. "The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him. "Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on. "That would be the usher," Charlie explained. "Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said. "You mean the aisle," Charlie said. "Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. "Pew," Charlie retorted. "Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys, back on the ranch, about his first visit to a big-city church.
"When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
"I walked up the trail to the gate," Joe continued.
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.
"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.
"Then he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.
"Pew," Charlie retorted.
"Yeah," recalled joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys, back on the ranch, about his first visit to a big-city church."When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began."You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow."I walked up the trail to the gate," Joe continued."The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him."Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on."That would be the usher," Charlie explained."Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said."You mean the aisle," Charlie said."Then he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued."Pew," Charlie retorted."Yeah," recalled joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."