Usher Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"
The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

Banta, a mystery-lover take his place in the theater for opening night, but his seat is way back in the theater, far from the stage.
Banta calls an usher over and whispers, "I just love a good mystery, and I have been anxiously anticipating the opening of this show. However, in order to carefully follow the clues and fully enjoy the play, I have to watch a mystery close up. Look how far away I am! If you can get me a better seat, I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher nods and says he will be back shortly.
Looking forward to a large tip, the usher speaks with his co-workers in the box office, hoping to find some closer tickets. With just three minutes left until curtain, he finds an unused ticket near the ticket window and snatches it up.
Returning to Santa in the back of the theater, he whispers, "follow me."
The usher leads him down to the second row, and proudly points out the empty seat right in the middle.
"Thanks so much," more...

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.
When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"
The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".
Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "the balcony." Sent by Zena

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys, back on the ranch, about his first visit to a big-city church." When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began." You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow." I walked up the trail to the gate," Joe continued." The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him." Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on." That would be the usher," Charlie explained." Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said." You mean the aisle," Charlie said." Then he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued." Pew," Charlie retorted." Yeah," recalled joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?" The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church."When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began."You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a worldly fellow."I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued."The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him."Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on."That would be the usher," Charlie explained."Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said."You mean the aisle," Charlie said."Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued."Pew," Charlie retorted."Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."