Usher Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man, "Let them go first. You wouldn’t want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?" The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I’ve been sorry ever since."

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice.

They didn't get up to leave until the theater was ready to close for the night.

' You folks must've enjoyed the show,' the usher says.

' Disgusting,' says the old lady.

' It was revolting,' her husband adds.

' Then why did you sit through it twice?' the usher asks.

' We had to wait until you turned up the house lights,' the old lady replies.

' We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in them!'

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Usher.
Usher who?
Usher wish you would let me in!

Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn't a pew available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back."
Being hard of hearing, the usher leaned closer and said, "Pardon me?"
"Get three chairs for my Baptist friends," the minister repeated. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.
Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Baptists," he enunciated.
The usher's face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation.
"All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshipers. "Three cheers for the Baptists!"

When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theater, he walked over and whispered "Sorry sir, but you are allowed only one seat." The man moaned but didn't budge. "Sir," the usher said more loudly, "if you don't move, I'll have to call the manager." The man moaned again but stayed where he was. The usher left and returned with the manager, who, after several attempts at dislodging the fellow, called the police. The cop looked at the reclining man and said, "All right, what's your name, joker?" "Joe", he mumbled. "And where are you from, Joe?" Joe responds painfully, "The balcony!"

A man had a ticket for the theater, but when he was seated by the usher, he found that he was too far back.
Turning to the usher, he said, "This is a mystery play and I have to watch a mystery close up. If you can find me a better seat, I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher moved him to the third row and the man handed him a quarter.
The usher looked at the quarter, frowned at the man, then leaned over and whispered:
"The wife did it!"